i finally decided when i made the choice to to go sat traiing. i alright knew the result but still did it.
anyways feel so full, i guess cause of the icecream i ate last night. X_X lactose intoleranceX_X my stomach was like 3 volcano lava blowing up. freaken gas forming...i like mcdonald ice cream better :)

negative:
guilty of not taking responsible of my mom and housecleaning
feel childish
not allowing to enter home anymore
my dad sad and lonely
getting whip
not being able to eat my dad's cooked food
not being there to make my dad smile
my sister being lonely cause i am her only friend
my dog being lonely
helping my mom get her weekly exercise at the fleemarket or mall.
my room being rent
all my stuff being throw out.

Positive:
finally get a taste of life
make ppl who i rent room from prefered customer
finally get to make my own decision
no procastination
internet without having to go to garage
can call ppl without feeling guilty
a new way of excitement and wonders
make money and sent $300 to dad
get uncomfortable
improve my communication
learn how to use money wisely
to doubt my dad that i do make it out there
lose weight
hangout with new friends
able to concentrate better
positive attitude
able to find my potential
able to improve myself mentally
make money
do what i usually don't do


done more to add soon :)

i want food :)

dear journal. lifes been good. i have been a bit too excited .i guess when one person is excited it leads on.

although i am still shaping and searching up for my whys. i found a goal that i can continue to work on. Every month, the first i would give my dad $200. from my calgrant, but this month i didn't give my dad any money. no wonder i finished my calgrant. i have been doing this since my 2nd year in college. Yet on the bright side it would be my motivation, to motive me to run.

for my goal for every month the first is to give my dad $300. not only does my dad smile, but its a lesson in life and show my responsibility. my dad teach me well.

lately i am afraid of growing back to my oldself again. i can think. .. got to practice. talk more talk more.

what i am working on is to feel how it is like to be in someone shoe.

determination??

before my 20th birthday, i will make my last week of being 19 year old a memory.