Knits for Twisting Fate

One year is so fast. I feel really old right now even though most people who meet me for the first time think that I am 12. I remember having a incident when I was working at target where a customer said i looked like a minor. He said, hey you are not allowed to work at this age, its illegal!. i was like, um im 21. i guess it probably my chubby cheeks and flat nose that make people think that way. my facial structure is at the phase of a kid.

I am ditching class to write this blog, yet I am not failing any class. I never fail class unless i choose to give up or fail. Giving up is a choice and a hard choice. I guess when you have the drive and passion, you won't easily give up. I guess its the drive that why i give up getting good grades and alot of things in life. My family is my fuel to sucess sometimes. As anti social as i am and with no family love , im dead. Well not really because i smile even if i am dead. I smile because i don't want to think. The reason why most people are frustrated is cause they think too much.

At times, i feel like my communicating skills are deteriorating and even when i write it shows. When you don't use a skill for some time, it will be gone. Instead of speaking, i can only talk. Sometimes i wish someone at random would just ask me alot of questions, so i can have the opportunity to respond, but hardly anyone every ask.

I am antisocial, but i don't have a problem with making friends. maybe it is just because i am weird or i need to feel the "click".

I miss talking to my dad.

I miss having map so i don't get lost.


So this mother's day, i will
quit my job because i hate getting more hours, biking 11 'oclock at night to go home, taking the bus, decent looking guys.>> avoidance and blushing is hard work. My manager is really nice by giving me my prefered hours, 30. I should have change it but i am too selfish. Additionally, i don't need the money cause i have enough for couple months and no need to kill yourself by working everyday.even eating mcd is hardwork>>except the southwest style salad with crisp chicken... but but but...

anyways all i said is not my main intent, my main intent is to have time with my dad to build back our relationship which i have been avoiding. my second reason is to build up my knowledge because a job can give you an experience not happiness. Although i am not sure why i go to college and don't really like my major, but i want to because college is an experience in order to find my happiness.

I stopped going to chinese school because of my family financial problems.
I have always want to continue my study of the chinese language. I have always been fascinated with chinese tradition and periods. Everytime there is something about chinese art for example i would be aware and alert. I especially like qipao from 1940s. maybe i should major in chinese, but what can i do what chinese? maybe a minor. I never told anyone this but i suck at english because i wanted my main language to be cantonese really bad that i never speak english with my sister. it was an early choice i made and i did suffer the consequences of my choice.

The lifestyle of using bike as a transportation is sick and tiring. although you can eat biking legs. Biking may be fun as a recreational, exercise, errands, but long term transportation is well annoying. I expecially hate biking at night because night make me feel gloomy;however, morning makes me feel refresh and fit.

Deanza College is a good college. Good people than people at evergreen. Transportation is tiring, 2 hours of bus ride and when i get back i always fall asleep sometimes oversleep. So many asians and fobs that i feel like being one of them. well the saying, you are who you surround yourself with. i felt like i belong there and want to engage in hardwork.

Two more week of school left, and it is time to study. School is good if you take what you learn and put it to action. I need to adjust at now so studying would not be wasted.

I have class at 10:45. Can't wait until i get off and buy little caeser and share it with my family. i hope the bus won't be too full or the pizza smell will make people hungry. Isn't it embarrassing to carry a big pizza box in a bus.

Overall, i am weird. If you think i am weird, then what is good to be normal and average?