Sunday, February 22, 2009

Next week :) would be a new day and a new beginning. smile and be excited. I will reach platinum, i will reach platinum, i will reach platinum, i will reach platinum,i will reach platinum, i will reach platinum. tammy u can do it, tammy u cando it, tammy u can do it. self talk is a good thing.
speaking is my weakness, but i will be my prominent in the future :)
on the other hand, i got to use what i learn as a tool or it will just lie there.

lol. after looking through my old xanga i saw how diffrerent i see things now. its weird why i had so much xanga. i guess that shows what kind of person i am.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

my dad brought red tulips from homedepot and planted it on our front yard. at first i thought it was roses. for some reason, i missed gardening with my dad. one day i hope to have to my garden.

i can't believed the week is ending so fast. iwant to eat icecream rightnow, but then mcd is closed. usually be4 closing time, i would walk all the way to mcd and stock up on jordana makeup at savemart, which is a bargain. 4 piece of makeup for $5. very pigmented. I wish someone can do that withme , and i wish to find someone like me. if there were more of me, life would be alittle different. and because i am different i got to do something about it.

Today most of myevening, i spent it with my mom and dad. We went to the flee market and then to target or eastridge. i guess because i have changed that i don't enjoy it now like i used to. i started to understand why i wanted to get out of this life. My mind was prooccupied and i wanted to go home yet i stuck through it.

i knew i had the choice to not go, Although it felt
like dragging, but i voluntarily went because i didn't want my dad to feel sad with a no. That's y in life i always say yes, because i know for a fact that when i say no it would hurt them cause i know how it feels. Do the opposite and it can get u somewhere.
what differs me and my sister is she say no and i say yes. because of the yes, my dad started to like me and would alway drag me to go out with my mom and him. sometimes in life u got to act before ur emotion comes into action.
like eating, although i love eating yet sometimes i don't eat when im suppose to. and cause i love my dad i eat whenever he cooks or drag me to eat. thanx to my dad i am not underweight :)

at the fleemarket today, i saw a young boy playing toys at 2 locations near the used toy section. Although he doesn't buy the toys he played the toy and the left which reminded me of one of my mentors. overall, it was a cute memory and i would save it. for some weird reason i wanted to buy the toy for the boy but than without these situation how can one grow. When i was little i would always want to play toys in stores or at the fleemarket yet my dad always yell at me to not touch.
these were the things i usually do and it brought back many memories.The reason why i stop socializing for a long period of time in addition to looking at my mom was because i hated humans. Why are they so emotional and why dothey judge uand this and that. Rethinking of what i used to think, i shouldn't have hated human. i should have point fingers at myself cause i am human too.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Happy Valentine Day

Dear Mr. Ventagon,

Sorry i haven't been updating this journal. I guess because i am still not good with organizing my time. Recently, 3 months ago, my sister's friend introduced me to life changing opportunity.It was than that i realize that i shouldn't be a doll anymore waiting each day feeling lost.

This week was a week of confusion, mistakes and my bad habits kicking in. . I've not been accomplishing many of my spoken words and goals. After this week of feeling lost, i hope to really do more than i can and stop my emotions from acting apon it. I will take into action of what i learned. It is these little action that get us further in life. I will do homework and I will not upset anyone.
i had wrote alot, but then i didn't save it. What i edit after the above post was what i felt, but then i accidently didn't save it as a post and now all the after post i have in mind is deleted.

On the other hand, valentine day starts in 2 hours. Occasionally, on Valentine i would buy little valentine day cards and stick chocolate kisses on them to give it to friend but this year my mind was so preoccupied that i forgot to make them. i thought of kniting little heart plushies and give it to ppl but it was too much of a hassle. My friend thought was cute:)

it was thursday that i got back into the habit of looking at knitting pattern when a friend of mine pointed out and questioned whether i still knit or not. i've decided to start knitting again.